Monday, 14 May 2012

Life according to Monty...

Ok I may be a bit smaller then Lewis ( actually he is only an inch longer then me), but trust me I am the brains of the outfit. Look I don't want to dwell on it but he is a 'ginger.' Apparently he is 'tri-colour.' What a load of old nonsense he's a ginger or 'ginga' as I like to call him. He would have you believe that he is the leader of the pack, the 'numero uno.' Let me enlighten you. Yes I love my brother or 'bruv' as I prefer. He is however a bit of a buffoon.He is always getting into trouble with other dogs. He just goes bowling in grinning like the big daft Gallah that he is, "Hello hello , hello." Usually to be met with a snarl or a "grrrrrrrrrrr." What would yo do if a 40 kilo ginger floppy eared dope like him came charging at you? He really has no etiquette at all. I like to stand off a bit, assess the situation. If they look friendly I'll have a mooch over and perhaps start with a bit of sniffing. If a tail wags then we may progress to a bit of face to face sniffing. If that goes well its full on bum in the air play fight stuff !

Recently the folks took us to a really nice place that had a sandy beach. Where we live the beaches are all shingle. People say shingle , I prefer to call it gravel. Whatever it is it plays havoc with me little legs and big paws so I try to avoid it at all costs. When the tide goes out a load of sand is eventually left but it is also really cold and wet. I don't do wet if I can help it. Dad took us onto the wet sand last week. I pretended I really liked it and when Dad wasn't looking I mooched off to the footpath where I lied in the sun waiting for 'Ginga' and Dad to join me. He wasn't very happy and called me a "stubborn summat." 

Anyway back to the real sandy beach. Usually us dogs aren't allowed on beaches after the 1st of May. This special sandy beach had a cordoned off area especially for dogs, how cool was that? Off we went, off the lead and free. We had the wind in our ears and the cool sand between our toes. Ginga (Lewis) made a beeline for one of them "chocolate Labradors." Now I think this is a bit strange because I have sniffed and licked a few of them and none of them tasted like chocolate. What a rip off.  Lewis in his own inimitable style ballooned over to Mr Choccy Woccy Lab grinning like a demented Cheshire cat." oo 'ello ello wanna play? wanna play?" Mr Choccy Lab did want to play but clearly not on the the big Ginger's terms. The Lab's response was to repeatedly kick sand in Lewis' face. He stood there all gooey eyed covered in sand. Anybody else would have moved. Not Lewis, great plonker stood there covered like some weird Basset sand sculpture. Sand kicked in his face by a less than 7 stone weakling. Frankly Lewis I was embarrassed.

We met loads of other dogs that afternoon and I would have been happy to stay there all day. Sadly Lewis found some particularly smelly sea weed which he though would add to his general body odour by rolling in it repeatedly. He spoils everything! It was nice to meet other dogs though. I met a lot of Chihuasuas,I think there was about seven hundred of them. It seemed like that anyway. They were all over the place shouting at us in Mexican. They all were very cross about something but I'm not sure what. There was a Highland Terrier who was Scottish. I couldn't really understand what he was saying either. He kept calling Lewis and I "see you Jimmy" which was odd.Finally we also met Jack Russell. I felt a bit miffed about this. How come he gets two names and I only get one, 'Monty.' All in all a pretty good day. Speak soon!!