Saturday, 31 July 2010

Born to kill

They are never going to protect you from attackers, they are never going to protect you from a pack of marauding wild animals and if someone breaks into your house you can rely on your Bassets to help the burglars load your high value goods onto their getaway vehicle.

There are many ways of protecting yourself if you do find yourself in the MOST unlikely position of being under attack by a Basset. You could stand on a chair ( it will never reach you), walk away ( it won't be able to catch you) or alternatively just wait a few seconds. I guarantee he or she will just fall asleep or forget what it was supposed to be doing in the first place.

I hope you get the picture...Bassets and malice simply do not go together. My two buffoons haven't a bad bone in their exceptionally large bodies. Lewis in particular is simply a gentle giant. We live near a park and more often than not a stray football finds it's way into the garden, usually followed by a sprightly 'youth' in his best Chelsea FC shirt ;

Youth " Ere mate did me footie come in your garden.'
Me " I'm sorry, I don't speak 'unemployed,' could you say that again?"
Youth " Me footie, your garden....?"

Invariably I find it inside the greenhouse having penetrated another pane of glass. Lewis and Monty assisting in the search, I say assisting. They actually just wander about following said 'youth' demanding a 'fuss.'

Lewis has been terrified by a number of violent incidents including, a moth in the kitchen. A leaf falling from a house plant. Stairs and his greatest fear......... gates.
Lewis will take a five mile detour if he thinks he can avoid a gate. I have no idea how this began, all I can think is that his body is SO long ( about seven feet), his nose passes the gap about 5 minutes before his backside follows along behind. I think he is worried he will become trapped.

I hope you have the picture......they are gentle ,stubborn dogs who have little in the way of malice. Lewis in particular is always keen to make friends although his love is rarely reciprocal. Which brings me to the moral of the story. I always place the hounds on leads on the approach of other mutts. I am usually met by the "oh they are all right, they just make a lot of noise, they are friendly really." Undeterred I usually look at the other mutt(s), tail upright and not wagging ? Hackles up ? Staring eyes with rigid body ? YOUR DOG IS NOT BLEEDIN' FRIENDLY !!

My most recent event included a pack of Golden Retrievers (all off the lead).

Owner " they are jolly friendly ~ just make a lot of noise, what, haha"
Me " Hmmm"
Lewis " can I play with you?"
Retriever no.4 ~ " no piss off fact no have this..."

One split ear, cut face later my Lewis is really whimpering.

Owner " Jolly sorry old bean never done that before...."

I think I may start approaching suspect owners, punch them on the hooter and say " Sorry I've never done that before......................."

Sorry for delay in writing....more to follow soon.