SPARE RIBS....................

My local Chinese takeaway is on a parade of shops set back from the main road. There is a large pavement area at the front of the building often used by children as a cycle assault course or a footy pitch. Both of these I love as, a) kids are actually outside playing and b) it shows kids still have imagination. There is usually a collection of waifs and strays from the very small to the 'nearly a teenager ' size. All nice kids. Some a little rough around the edges but at least they chat, especially when I have the hounds in tow.

I know from experience that Lewis & Monty have an excellent temperament with everyone big and small and love nothing more than kids hanging off their ears and generally fussing them. Monty occasionally jumps as he has developed an interest in licking the end of people's noses. Lewes either sits on your foot or leans on you ( he's SO agile), thats' about as active as he gets. I often get asked:

Can I stroke them?

To which I normally reply, " yes but watch the light one (Lewis) he will bit yer leg off "

This usually coincides with Lewis either lying on his back or with his fat backside slumped to one side and his tongue hanging out as fifteen kids scratch and pamper him. My comment usually only encourages Lewis to be even more of a wimp. With one exception......

The local Chinese take-way has two delightful small boys who always chat and make observations about the hounds. They are really active and bright lads who clearly have never seen anything like a Basset Hound. Sadly on one occasion last year I was asked by the boys:

" Can we stroke them? "

"Of course" I replied with my usual caveat of (ha-ha, or so I thought); "But watch the light one 'e'll av yer leg off..."

The two youngsters looked like someone had told them their X Box was broken. The colour drained out of their cheeks and both burst into tears. I was at this point joined by Dad who clearly ran out upon hearing his boys distress.

What go on?"

" I m very sorry I was joking that Lewis was vicious, he isn't he is a complete softy.."

" He not bight reg off"

No definitely won't bite reg, er leg off, in fact he couldn't bite the skin off a rice pudding "

Dad ~ " it okay they no have pets not in restaurant, very difficult."

I made my apologies and promised that whenever his boys were ready they could come and pat the dogs. Over the the next few weeks the boys always spoke but were still reluctant to come near the boys. That was until last week.............

I hitched the hounds to a lamp-post outside the shops and as usual a myriad of kiddy winkles began the usual patting and scratching of them. Both responded as usual either slumped to one side or rolled on their backs. The two young Chinese boys began to run toward the hounds laughing as they nearly got to them. Lewis thought this was hilarious, adopting the "I want to play position" he placed his head on the floor with his bum in the air. His tail wagging furiously. The two boys continued their game never quite getting too near to Lewis but still growing in confidence.

What I had not noticed is that Lewis collar had not quite been clicked into place. With one quick burst of excitement he was free and bounding toward the young Chinese boys. The sight of a 5 stone Basset ears and spare skin flailing wildly was clearly too much for the boys who screamed in panic and ran toward the safe haven of their take-way shop. Lewis thought this was the best game of chase ever. Sadly it did not end on the pavement....

The boys headed into their safe haven where dad was serving two number 42's and a boiled rice to a regular. His sons who were now screaming (in Chinese) dived under the counter, pursued by Lewis who still thought this was the best game of chase ever. Not content with finding their safe haven the boys separated. One heading upstairs, one toward the kitchen where Mum was now standing holding a large wok in a menacing fashion ( can you hold a wok in a menacing fashion ?), anyhow the separation disorientated Lewis who now had to weigh up his options ( Which kid do I go and play with ?) I now had a rather bewildered Monty on an extension lead that was wrapped around the postbox and was trapped in the take~away door. A regular ordering his take~away whilst two small children were pursued into the take~away by a five stone Basset Hound.The cook was threatening him with a wok and Lewis was completely undeterred thought he was playing catch with the added bonus of a stir fry afterwards. two small boys were screaming in Chinese and I made repeated (and pathetic) attempts to apologise. To make matters worse Lewis refused flatly to budge as he still thought this game was so funny. Sheepishly I invited myself into the take~away and living area at the rear that Lewis had now made his home. I had to cadge a prawn cracker to get him out ( talk about rubbing salt in the wound ! )

Anyhow dad eventually saw the funny side although I think his good lady may have had culinary ideas for Lewis had he have overstayed his welcome any longer.

Lewis you will never know how close you got !!!.......................